Decisions Decisions! Pt2: The "eww" and unflattering

Disclaimer! I am...uhh.... not at my finest in several of theses photos (in case you missed the "unflattering" part of the post title) be nice with comments!! No laughing if I can hear you! (Hooray for blog-o-sphere deafness.) Also, I am not trying to dog on the dresses or the companies that make them. So if I say "ewww" to a dress you love, I sorry. I hope it looks better on you than me! Also, I said in my previous dress post that I am going through the good, the bad, and the eww. Well, I am a bad news first kind of person... and some of these are just funny. So we are starting with the "eww" and oh-so-unflattering dresses! I'll start with the "uhh... notsomuch" dresses and move on the the "you might fall out of your chair laughing" dresses.

Ok, so this is a picture of the model wearing the dress on the tag. Cute, right? She looks thin and its a flowy fun dress.

Ok - then its on me... and leaving a little something to be desired. I feel like a white square with sparkles..... moving on...
Ok, So this one is kinda cute from the back. I like the layer/pleating detail at the top. (Anyone noticing the great white snow beast to my left?)

Hello Madonna Boobs! This was one of those dresses that would have been great for a drag queen. The underside was incredibly padded and the pleated edging just cut right down to it to give an uber "perky!" look, regardless of what was or was not underneath! (oooh - Anyone else really want to watch To Wong Foo now?? For anyone wondering what I'm talking about, follow the link, and then put it in your netflix list because its hilarious!)
Ok, here we are from the back view again. Not bad, right? Its actually a little slimming! (...wait for it...)

Wham! Still think this is a slimming dress?? Yeah - me neither! ooof - ok. Can't look at that one anymore... moving on...

So this one had some fun details on the backside that made me think I was really going to like it on. It turns out, it has magical powers... it made my butt completely disappear!!! (And in full disclosure, it should be pointed out; my butt is no small thing. It bubbles right on out there! So this was an impressive disappearing act.) Looking at it again, I notice that my waist has also wandered off into la la land. Oh - and the front gets even better!

Schazaam! All of a sudden I rival the bra sizes of Queen Latifa! And for my 36B's, thats and impressive jump. (Wow, blogging is an interesting thing. I kind of can't believe I just posted my bra size. Oh well!)

Ahh... and for the pièce de résistance! I went to David's Bridal in Mobile... which was a nightmare experience I will post about later... and the HIGHLIGHT of the dresses is below.

(read this with the "who wants a treat?!" voice you would use to speak to a puppy)
Who wants to be a ballerina bride?!

HOLY COW! It was a ballet nightmare of pink and white tulle!! (I am covering a HUGE satin pink rose on the butt that I couldn't even bear for the pictures!)

One more shot - just for laughs!

hahahahhahah.... That one still makes me laugh! Stay tuned as the dresses get a little less humorous, and a little more towards potential candidates.

(All photos courtesy of my Mother and my friends who attempted to keep the camera still while laughing their tails off.)

On second thought, feel free to post laughing comments!! :)


Miss G said...

oh my! these are too great! thanks for sharing! you look adorable even if the dresses do not. Kelly

Meg said...

MmmmHummmm. That's how I felt dress shopping, most of the dang time. I definitly feel you.