5.27.2009

Not so nervous

I suppose its a very common thing to be nervous before a wedding. After all, you are saying "I do until death do us part." (Well, those weren't our words as we "wrote/plagiarize/personalized" our own vows.... but I'll get into that later.) And there are plenty of examples where that doesn't hold true or you don't know the other person as well as you thought. And of course, there is also the fact that its going to be all eyes on you for most of the afternoon / night. Leading many to outwardly or inwardly feel like this:
But for me, I am pretty comfortable in my own skin. Would I like for that skin to be a bit more toned or tan? Sure. But, overall, I'm a pretty happy camper with myself. And all my friends and family and family-friends know me pretty well. So we've got the "center of attention" fear covered.

As far as the nervousness due to details and things going wrong, I had a wedding coordinator that I trusted. I had done all my planning and decisions, it was her job to pull it all off. I am sure some things went wrong, its just bound to happen. I only knew of one snafu and when someone came to me with it, I tossed up my hands and said "not my problem go find the wedding coordinator". Part of that level of comfort and relaxation was because I trusted her so, and part of it was that I knew the wedding would still happen if the programs got lost, or if the centerpieces were goofed or whatever else. As much effort went into those details, there were still that, details. Small details that many would overlook anyway, and while beautiful and full of heart, wouldn't affect the outcome of the day.

I am by NO means a perfectionist. (If you click forward to 3:48 you'll see Charlotte's freakout about a perfect wedding.)

Long shot, reach for the stars and don't stop 'til you get there drive and stubbornness - sure, thats me. As long as it isn't work related, close enough is fine by me. Its a shade or two off? Who'll notice? We are 10 programs short? No one here bites (besides me), they can share! The words weren't perfect? Am I getting graded on this? When small things go off plan my first response tends to be something along the lines of "So?" or "Oh well" or "there was a strict plan?" My mother actually sat me down for a serious talk a few days before the wedding. Her "we need to talk" mode freaked me out more than anything. She very calmly let me know that while she didn't yet know specifics, things would indeed go wrong. Falling short of perfection shouldn't ruin my day. It just might rain and there is nothing we can do about it, etc. At this point I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I kept looking behind me wondering if she was really talking to me. I suppose my mom was afraid of me having a freakout like Charlotte did in the above video, but that is soo not me. I sat there wondering if the speech was for me or for her. I reminded her that we chose the venue in a good part because of the really good rain back up plan and the stress-free manner in which it could be implemented if need be. At one point she said she had looked at the weather report and was sorry, but it might rain. My reaction was, "Why, is it your fault? Cause if it is - THEN I'd be pissed!" To say that I am flexible is an understatement... you'd think that would make wedding planning easier. Oh, the irony! Anyway... back to my nerves, or lack thereof.

And then there is the kicker cause for truly being nervous, saying "I do." [Again, not our actual words... but for another post.] Was I nervous for it? Honestly, no. I was lucky enough not to loose sight of the marriage for the wedding. This wasn't a decision that I was nervous about. I couldn't even begin to count how many people asked if I was nervous. When I said "nope" it never failed that I got that look that said "Yeah, right. Every bride is nervous." It actually really began to annoy me. I kept wanting to respond with a "You obviously don't know me, or us, and you should feel free to keep your cynical face to yourself. "

This is my WEDDING! I was excited for it. This was the moment when before God, beloved friends, and all kinds of family, we would officially start our lives together. And then after, there was going to be one hell of a party! What could be better?

This is me, dancing to some wonderfully cheesy sing-a-long, a la "Heaven on Earth" or "Livin on a Prayer". Nervous, notsomuch. If anything I kept having to be scolded and reminded to be serious. We were having a damn good time and this was just the beginning.

6 comments:

Heidi said...

Great post!!! I felt exactly the same way! It got annoying when everyone kept asking if I was nervous!

Dine said...

thats awesome girl and yes so you :)!!!
i was nervous...haha...about the "i do for life" but that's just me ;)

todd4man said...

Michelle,
I hate to infringe, but, like you, I am trying to plan a destination-style wedding in my hometown, PC Beach, from California, so I figured we have that in common. I'm wondering if you can share some information with me about working with Marriot Baypoint, total budget, etc. If you have a chance, please e-mail me at todd4man@gmail.com. Thanks.

Basildon Wedding Photographer said...

I think if a bride wasn't nervous there must be something wrong with her

*Michelle said...

Well..ummm... thanks Basildon. Since that whole post you just commented on was me saying that I WASN'T nervous, its nice to know you think there is something wrong with me.

Amanda Linn Schexnayder said...

Michelle, good for you! I hate to see it when a bride can't or won't relax enough to enjoy her own wedding!!! I am so happy for you that you were able to dance like that - it's the way it should be! Best wishes to you!